Kwickie-Mart Bad Gas
Kwickie-Mart Bad Gas is the fiftieth prank call in the Crotchety Old Man Calls. Transcript (ringback tone) 'Singh: '(censored)? 'Milton: '''Let me speak to the imbecile that sold me this bad gas! '''Singh: '''Hold on...Richard? '''Milton: '''Hello?! (''Singh, an Indian gas station employee, hands the phone over to Richard, the manager) 'Richard: '''Hello? '''Milton: '''Oh, thank God you've answered! Let me speak to the idiot that sold me this bad gas! (''sports radio chatter in the background) 'Richard: '''Oh, you wanna talk to...you said he sold him bad gas....ooh, I don't know......wha-what time you came in, ma'am? '''Milton: '''I'm a sir! I'm stuck in the middle of the street right now! Listen to my car! (''Milton tries to start up his car, but the engine keeps stalling) 'Milton: '''Will not start! (''Milton continues to try and start up his car) 'Richard: '''Wh-wha-what time did you came in here? '''Milton: ''Bout a hour ago! 'Richard: '''A hour ago? '''Milton: '''Listen, can you turn down that stinking television set? I can't hear a word you're saying! '''Richard: '''We don't have a TV set. '''Milton: '''Well, what's all that blabbing back there?! '''Richard: '''That's the radio. '''Milton: '''Well, turn the damn thing off! I'm trying to have a conversation! I got bad gas! '''Richard: '(faintly) ''Singh, could you.... '''Singh: '(in the background) ''Okay, what's he want?..... (''Singh picks up the phone) 'Singh: '''Yes, ma'am? '''Milton: '''I'm a sir! '''Singh: '''Uh-huh. '''Milton: '''You're an idiot. '''Singh: '....Yeah, I'm an Indian. 'Milton: '''No, I said you're an idiot, not an Indian! I said I got bad gas! '''Singh: '''So what I can do? '''Milton: '''You can come pick me up and take the crappy gas out of my car and give me my money back! '''Singh: '''I can't do that, ma'am. '''Milton: '''I'm a sir! '''Singh: '''No, I- I can't do that. You talk to the manager tomorrow morning, eight o'clock, okay? '''Milton: '''What is your name?! '''Singh: '''I can't- my name is Singh. I cannot leave the station, ma'am. '''Milton: '''What are you, a idiot?! I'm a sir! I am no- '''Singh: '''Okay, you-you behave yourself. Don't talk like that to me, please. '''Milton: '''I- Singh: You ta-talk to the manager or (I) complain to the police , okay? '''Milton: '''I just bought twenty-three dollars worth of gas from you and it's crap! And my car is stuck now! '''Singh: '''Okay, I am sorry. I am, I am putting the phone back, okay? '''Milton: '''No! No! Don't hang up on me! (''Singh hangs up) (ringback tone) 'Singh: '''Kwik Trip. '''Milton: '''You listen, Singh! I'm gonna sue you! '''Singh: '''Oh-you, okay, you go ahead, sue me! '''Milton: '''I will sue you right now! '''Singh: '''Okay, go ahead! '''Milton: '''I will sue you because I have bad gas! '''Singh: '''I tell you-go ahead, sue me! '''Milton: '''How much money do you make? '''Singh: '''I don't make any money here, ma'am! It-it is not your business, ma'am! '''Milton: '''Yes it is, because it's all going to be my money after I sue you! '''Singh: '''No, it is not your business how much money I make! '''Milton: '''You're an idiot! '''Singh: '''All right, okay, thank you. '''Milton: '''You're a moron! ''(Singh hangs up) (ringback tone) 'Singh: '''I am a salesperson here. I am not the boss here. '''Milton: '''You know what? I'm gonna come down there- I'm gonna take the gas pump nozzle and I'm gonna jam it up your butt! How 'bout that? '''Singh: '''Thank you very much. Okay, I am, I am again hanging up the phone- '''Milton: '''No! '''Singh: '''I have a customer here... '''Milton: '''No! I'm very upset! '''Singh: '''Okay, I'm-I'm going to call the police if you don't stop calling me! ''(Singh hangs up) (ringback tone) 'Singh: '''Gas station? '''Milton: '''Yes, Singh? I'm sorry for yelling. '''Singh: '''Ma'am, it's alright. Please leave me...pity on me, I'm busy here! '''Milton: '''I am very upset and I'm sorry I yelled at you. '''Singh: '''It's all right, but please leave me now- let me work, okay? Thank you, okay? '''Milton: '''I'm st-I'm starting to cry....(''fake cries) 'Singh: '''Th-thank you, thank you very much. '''Milton: '''Listen, Mr. Singh? '''Singh: '''Uh-huh? '''Milton: '''I would like to invite you to dinner. '''Singh: '''It's all right, thank you very much. I can't come, I'm working here, thank you very much- '''Milton: '''Maybe tomorrow night? '''Singh: '''It's all right, thank you very much, now... '''Milton: '''I'm sorry for yelling... '''Singh: '''It's all right! Thank you, thank you, thank you! '''Milton: '''Singh, I love you! ''(Singh hangs up) (ringback tone) Trivia * The title of this prank call is a reference to the fictional convenience store the Kwik-E-Mart from The Simpsons. Category:Prank calls